


Cave

by dentedsky



Category: DBSK|Tohoshinki|TVXQ
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, M/M, Romance, Trans Female Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-27
Updated: 2012-03-27
Packaged: 2017-12-26 02:49:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/960683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dentedsky/pseuds/dentedsky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yunho is in high school and nobody knows that he is a man because he's always wearing girl clothes except Changmin who fucks him in the classroom and is so much in love with Yunho.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cave

He sees the same lockers every morning, the whole metallic row of them, in the light slanting in from the high window. The same sense of dread sitting low in his stomach: will he be bulled today?

Changmin’s life is mostly sad and a little stereotypical: nerd boy, glasses and inadequate hair, books clutched to his chest like a shield between him and the world. He’s just on that side of too tall, too skinny, too shy. His nose is too big, his mouth too wide.

He has no friends.

He thinks he might be gay.

*

It’s such a relief when he gets a crush on a girl.

*

The first words he says to her are, “Can I borrow a pen?”

She looks at him then - _really_ looks, Changmin likes to think, eyes fierce and sharp like a tiger’s – then smiles, closed mouthed and sweet, and passes him a biro.

Their fingers brush.

For the rest of the lesson Changmin can’t hear the teacher through the pounding of his own heart.

*

Her name is Yunnie.

She’s not anything special according to the general school population: she’s not popular or pretty, average academic record, isn’t part of any note-worthy clubs. Changmin gets all this information from the emo boys that truant and smoke behind the sports equipment shed, a cigarette packet by way of payment.

“Aikido Club and Theatre Club,” Jonghyun tells him with a nonchalant sniff as he rips open the packet of smokes. His friends glower at Changmin, eyeliner and black lipstick thick and ugly.

Changmin, books clutched to his chest in a death grip, makes to turn away. “Thanks,” he says, voice wobbly. “I’ll just – be going to class – “

“Why?” says Jonghyun. His lips curl, but there’s a curiosity there, and kindness. He offers Changmin a cigarette. “Stay with us a bit.”

“But that’s – “ _truancy_ , he means to say, but Jonghyun’s challenging look causes Changmin to cut off with a twist of his lips.

He takes the cigarette. Let’s one of the boys light it for him. Changmin inhales, then goes into a coughing fit.

“Do you like her?” Jonghyun asks as he takes a puff of his own cigarette. Changmin whispers an affirmative. Jonghyun looks amused. “But don’t you think she’s kind of...”

“Fat,” supplies Yonghwa, the boy who’d lit Changmin’s cigarette.

“Masculine,” Jonghyun corrects. He stares a Changmin.

“We’re in the Theatre Club,” says Yonghwa, eventually, “in the band.” He exchanges a glance with Jonghyun. “We can get you in.”

*

It’s true, Yunnie isn’t part of the pretty girls group – she’s too stocky, jaw is a bit too square and her breasts are only hand-cup size. But to Changmin she is perfect. He sometimes imagines what it would be like, to get her alone and put his hand up her blouse and gently cup one breast, nipple hard against his palm...

And she dances like a dream.

It’s like the stage is her world and she is queen; she’s elegant and fierce all at once. The dance is popping and yet it flows like water. The lights hit her skin and she glows – a bend backwards and her blouse stretches over her chest – a spin and her plaid skirt whooshes around her knees, reveals parts of her thighs –

(Changmin imagines taking a leg gently in hand, kissing up the inner thigh. He wants to feel the soft skin at the back of her knees, wants to hear her breathe the words _more, more_ from her cupid’s bow lips.)

Changmin comes to afterschool Theatre Club early and catches Yunnie practicing her dancing while four girls stand at microphones and sing the song. From the side of the stage, half-hidden by the curtains he watches her move, her beautiful body twisting and turning, her expression blissful.

“She’s fantastic, isn’t she?” says a voice from behind him, making him jump. He turns. The boy says, “Our best dancer in the group.”

“Oh,” says Changmin, then swallows as he looks back at the stage. The song ends and Yunnie grins, teeth perfectly white and straight and eyes slitted like a cat’s. She goes to the girls who had been singing and chats to them, sweet and affable.

“I’m Kyuhyun,” says the classmate, extending his hand which Changmin takes for a shake. They bow, then squint at each other. “I’ve seen you around...”

Changmin tells him his name and adds, “We’re in comp sci together.”

“Right,” Kyuhyun nods. “The quiet one at the end of the lab.” He takes Changmin’s arm and drags him onto the open stage.

Yunnie turns, her eyes alighting on Changmin first, then onto Kyuhyun’s hand on Changmin’s arm. Then her eyes settle on Kyuhyun and she gives him a disapproving frown, but comes over to meet them halfway.

Kyuhyun lets go. “This is Changmin,” Kyuhyun introduces, and Changmin licks his lips, nervousness strumming inside him like bow strings as he half-hides behind Kyuhyun.

Yunnie’s eyes run over him once, before settling on his face. “Hi,” she says, and smiles, before belatedly holding out a hand to shake. Changmin, his focus so entirely on her beautiful face fails to realise – and then he’s reaching out and taking her hand in his and fumbling, shaking it awkwardly, the hold lingering for a moment, the blush rising on her cheeks and then his own at the mistake he’s probably made. He scolds himself – his palm had been sweaty and his grip loose, like a warm, dead fish.

“Welcome to the Theatre Club,” she says, a little awkwardly, bow stilted, gaze flicking to Changmin under dark lashes. Changmin bows with a soft thank you and Yunnie asks, as Kyunhyun, amused smirk in place, walks away to chat to the singers, “What do you do?”

“I – “ Changmin starts. “I’m a student.”

Yunnie barks out a laugh then, head thrown back and long, straight hair falling into one eye. “Ah, you’re funny.”

Changmin self-consciously smoothes his hands down his blazer.

“I mean, do you sing, dance, play an instrument...?”

“I sing,” Changmin gets out hastily. “Sort of... loudly.”

She raises her eyebrows. “Sort of loudly?”

“Yeah,” says Changmin, voice caught in his throat. Yunnie tilts her head to the side and studies him affectionately. More students file into the theatre; over Yunnie’s shoulder Changmin sees Jonghyun and his crew lazily walk in and down the aisle, chatting and guffawing as they go.

“Do you mind auditioning?” asks Yunnie quietly, the sincerity in her voice making Changmin’s heart stutter. “It’s just, it’s how it’s usually done.”

“Of course,” he stammers, the thought of performing in front of people – classmates – even if it is just a few of them making his hands shake.

Club members trickle in and sit in empty auditorium seats. Teacher Kangta-nim wanders in, papers in hand, and asks the students to settle. He announces, “Shim Changmin has prepared a song for us, please shut up and give a warm welcome. Yes I mean you two as well,” he adds, glaring at Jia and Min. “Afterwards I will talk to you all about upcoming auditions for Beauty and the Beast next week...”

Kyuhyun, Minho and Ryeowook take up the three back microphones as Changmin nervously drags one microphone stand to centre stage. The band sets up; Jonghyun gives him an encouraging nod.

Changmin clears his throat and speaks into the microphone, neck bent forward awkwardly. “This is – uhh.” He hastily adjusts the stand. “This is a song about wanting something but not being allowed to have it.”

Jia and Min titter. Siwon whispers something into Donghae’s ear. Yunnie and her two friends Heechul and Shindong sit together in the middle of one of the rows.

Yunnie smiles at him.

Changmin’s heart lifts.

He gives the cue.

And starts to sing.

It’s a shortened version of a power ballad that starts out quiet and slow, almost crooning, before building up. He uses his diaphragm to get the notes up and out and strong. It’s a love song, and he pours his love into it. He keeps eye contact with Yunnie, whose eyes, at first soft, now hold a little wariness and confusion.

Then Changmin gets into the power part of the ballad, pulling the words from his heart, bursting them past his larynx, practically _screaming_ those words out into the room, eyes wide and lips and throat quivering with the effort –

And when he’s done he looks at Yunnie, searches her eyes...

She blinks several times and looks away and Changmin doesn’t even notice that everyone around her has stood up to give Changmin – this quiet, nerdy Changmin – a standing ovation.

*

Changmin thinks he’s fucked up, but not two days later Yunnie comes to him in English class.

“Is anyone sitting here?” she asks in that sweet voice, gesturing to the always-empty seat. In reply Changmin gestures in reply so hard his hand hits his text book and his pens somehow go flying as the book falls and lands awkwardly, half its pages mashed under its heavy hardback cover.

“S-sorry,” he mumbles as they both bend down to pick up his things. “And of course, you can sit – ouch!” He’s cut off as the both reach for the book and subsequently smack their heads together.

“Sorry,” they both say at the same time as Changmin rearranges his things on the desk and Yunnie settles into her chair.

They glance at each other nervously, Changmin’s heart beating in his chest so fast he feels he might explode. There’s a sweet blush on her cheeks.

The teacher walks in, barely breaking the awkward moment, but at least now they’re not allowed to talk which means Changmin doesn’t have to come up with something to say, for now at least.

Halfway through the lesson Changmin stares at her hands, at the strange way her fingernails are formed, at the silver lucky charms bracelet around her wrist. Yunnie sees where he’s looking and pulls her hands away and under the desk.

“Oh – “ whispers Changmin, mindful of their teacher. “I didn’t mean to stare.”

“It’s ok,” she answers quickly, not looking at him, corners of her mouth turned down. “They’re kind of big and ugly, I know – “

“No, uh, no,” says Changmin. “I was thinking they were beautiful.” Yunnie shoots him a disbelieving side-along look. “I have small hands,” he elaborates, then kicks himself yet pushes on. “They’re too small and girly.” He throws her a rueful smile.

She mirrors it. “I wish my hands were small and girly.”

“You wouldn’t want my hands,” says Changmin quietly. “I’m tall, but fingers are so short. I’m disproportionate.”

“I like the way you look,” says Yunnie, before going bright red.

*

Some days Changmin gets his food tray flipped from under his hands. Some days its food flung in his face. He hopes today is not one of those days as he manoeuvres his way across the canteen floor, back hunched over his food to make himself seem smaller, unnoticeable. He takes his usual table at the back, and then five minutes later he’s accosted by three people.

Kyuhyun smacks him on the back as he, Ryeowook and Minho take seats around the table. Changmin hunches further, long nose practically in his low-grade spaghetti carbonara. “Hyung,” Minho starts. “I can call you hyung, right? You were great the other day – “

“You like Yunnie-noona, yeah?” Kyuhyun interrupts, cutting right to the chase with calculative eyes and a mouth curved into a smirk.

Changmin feels shame and embarrassment run through him. He can recognise the bullying – at least he thinks it’s bullying. Better to be on the safe side and assume it is.

“We think you should ask her out,” Kyuhyun continues when Changmin says nothing. “She likes you too, you know. Heechul-hyung told me.”

There’s a slap on his shoulder from his other side. Jonghyun has approached his table. “Sorry man,” he says, “I’ve told them about your crush.”

“He’s been telling everyone,” Minho tells him, grin bright like this is a good thing.

Changmin feels his face burn. He allows his fringe to fall in front of his eyes to hide the tears threatening to well up. Jonghyun seems to see it anyway, and he says, kindly, “Come outside with me for a smoke.”

“No!” Kyuhyun barks out at him. “Changmin has the voice of an angel. A very loud, shouty angel. No smoking for him. It’s alright for you,” he adds loftily, “you’re just a guitar player.”

Jonghyun makes an annoyed noise. “You’re a dick, you know that Cho?” he shoots back. They have a small argument over Changmin’s hunched back.

Minho speaks to Changmin quietly. “We thought she was a dyke, see,” he says. “She never goes out with anyone.”

“But she went out with Jaejoong, once,” Ryeowook says, for the first time since he arrived.

“For one date,” counters Minho.

They stay for lunch.

*

Changmin does. Or at least, he _tries._

*

The last of the sun’s rays add light to the hall. Yunnie is at her locker; long hair pulled into a half-ponytail, blouse and sweater-vest lightly rumpled, skirt a bit shorter than usual, her knees and smooth calves on display.

Changmin’s heart thumps in his chest as he approaches. She just gets the lock open as he arrives. He stands slightly behind her and to the side. Coughs.

Yunnie looks at him, then smiles. “Hi Changmin.” She pulls her locker open with a hard yank.

“Hi,” says Changmin. “Um, hi.” Yunnie gives him an amusedly perplexed look and Changmin mentally kicks himself.

“Hi,” says Yunnie, then giggles as she puts some books in her locker. Conversationally she says, “Are you going to audition for this year’s theatre production?”

“No,” says Changmin, then remembers that negatives are never good, so adds, “Well, maybe. Are you?”

“Oh yes.” She pulls out a book and puts it in her bag. “I’m going to audition for the part of Mrs Pots.”

“You should audition for Belle,” Changmin tells her frankly. She shoots him an indecipherable look.

“I don’t think so, Changmin.” She sounds a little unsure. “That role requires a strong vocal and a... prettier girl – “

Changmin leans down and kisses her.

It’s awkward, and stupid, and Changmin doesn’t even aim right – he only gets the corner, right on beauty spot above her top lip – and Yunnie has gone completely still, and they’re frozen like that for a second –

But Changmin doesn’t care, because her lips are _so soft_ , because he wants her to _know_ -

She pulls away, stares at him with wide, scared eyes –

Someone claps.

Changmin and Yunnie look over and see Jaejoong, Yoochun and Junsu approaching; Jaejoong is giving them a slow, sarcastic applause.

“How cute!” He giggles when he gets to them, back of his hand pressed to his lips. “The girly boy and the dyke. Question is, which one is which?”

Yunnie slams his locker shut with a frustrated sigh. “Leave him alone, Jaejoong.”

Changmin looks at her.

Yoochun hurls ice-cold bubble tea in his face then shoves him into the locker as they walk away, laughing to each other, throwing cruel smiles over their shoulders as the go.

“Here,” says Yunnie quietly as she hands Changmin a clean hanky. She points to his hair. “You have, um, sago – “

“Thanks,” says Changmin, embarrassed – always, always embarrassed. He gestures with the hanky. “I’ll wash this and give it back to you – “

“Keep it,” says Yunnie, and Changmin’s heart sinks with the finality of her tone, and the sympathetic frown that’s on her face.

She pities him, Changmin realises.

She says, quietly, “I know this probably isn’t the best time to say this to you, but I don’t want to lead you on – “

Changmin swallows and looks down at her black leather school shoes.

“I’m really flattered, Changmin. Truly. But I don’t – I don’t date people – “

“You dated Jaejoong,” he cuts in quickly, seeing the loophole, hope fluttering in his chest –

She smiles sadly. “Which, as you can probably tell, was a big mistake.”

Changmin’s hope dies as she whispers sorry, turns around and walks away, the morning sun gone completely from the hall.

*

Changmin auditions for the school musical production of Beauty and the Beast.

Yoona and Taecyeon get the parts of Belle and Beast. Yunnie gets the part of Mrs Pots, as Changmin knew she would.

Changmin gets the part of Gaston.

Kyuhyun claps him on the back as they read the final cast list on the board outside the staff wing, and this time Changmin knows Kyuhyun’s not being a bully.

“I honestly thought she liked you,” Kyuhyun tells him. “Heechul-hyung said – “

“It’s ok,” says Changmin, “all it means is nothing’s changed. We’re born alone, and we die alone.”

Kyuhyun gives him an alarmed look.

“That was a joke,” Changmin clarifies.

Kyuhyun gives him an even more alarmed look.

Changmin grins, suddenly, enjoying the even more-more alarmed look it invokes. “I do that sometimes. By the way, you look like a dumbass; leave those kinds of facial expressions at home.”

Kyuhyun’s face smooths over. His eyes shift from side-to-side. “It is my mission to be the best looking guy at this school.”

Changmin rubs his stomach. “I’m starving, let’s eat.”

*

Weeks pass by.

Rehearsals go into full swing. Changmin rarely sees Yunnie at Theatre Club anymore, because their characters are only in the final scene together so they rehearse on different days after school. He sees her in class sometimes, but apart from that one week she doesn’t sit next to him anymore.

On stage, Changmin bursts out, getting into the roll so well that when he’s not acting his classmates stare at him.

“Who knew,” says Kyuhyun, “that inside that shy little Minnie there was a Gaston just waiting to come out.”

Changmin shrugs.

For a while everything’s on schedule, everyone’s the same...

And then it happens.

*

Thing is, Changmin is still in love with Yunnie.

He knows that after phys ed she’s the last to leave the girls’ change rooms, and sometimes he waits for her around the corner, just so he gets to see her leave, alone, skirt swishing around her knees. He never says anything, never talks to her, he only ever watches. He tells himself it’s to keep her safe – what if Jaejoong and his friends find her and corner her here? But then he admits to himself that he still loves her, that he probably always will. He will always be alone, he came to that conclusion long ago.

One afternoon he waits in his usual spot around the building, and sees all the girls leave. Then from inside the change rooms he hears Yunnie yelp, quick and high-pitched.

He doesn’t think. He runs inside, thinks someone’s in there – hurting her – and then he sees Yunnie –

She’s got one foot on the bench, leg bent at the knee to keep her legs mostly spread. Her skirt is hitched up so high she has the seam tucked under her chin. In her hands she has a kind of white masking tape – like a bandage.

Her knickers are off, hanging from one glorious thigh. She’s completely open from the hips down, naked. She –

She –

A drop of sweat runs down Changmin’s temple.

She’s a he. Changmin can very clearly see her – his – flaccid penis and balls nestled neatly in a bed of trimmed black curls. Changmin stares.

Yunnie stares at him. “Oh my god, Changmin. I. You -” She drops the skirt to cover herself – himself – then bends to pick up his underwear and pull it up. “Oh my god, oh my g... Please Changmin, you can’t – “ He sniffles, head bent, face red, eyes blinking away tears. His voice is no longer high, it’s gone a deep baritone. “Please, please, please...”

“I won’t,” Changmin blurts, hands up and palms facing out to placate. He doesn’t know what to say. His mind is blown. “I promise. I won’t tell.”

Yunnie takes several rapid, shaky breaths like he’s hyperventilating. “You can’t, really can’t. No one knows. No one. Only my parents and my sister.”

“It’s ok Yunnie.” He tries to keep his voice as soft and understand as possible. “I won’t tell, I promise.”

They calm down.

Yunnie sits on the bench, head still bent to hide his face, the rolls of white tape still in his hands, grip loose. Changmin moves, slowly, makes to sit next to him, only Yunnie moves, stands abruptly, grabbing his bag. “I have to go.”

He makes it to the door and is almost out, when Changmin says, “I still really like you.”

Yunnie stops, bag strap so tight in his hands his knuckles are white. He’s frozen there.

Changmin breathes. He walks over and takes Yunnie’s shoulders gently and turns him around. “I want to – “ he starts. “Can I – “ His lips part, almost panting now, eyes lowered. He drops to his knees. He fingers the ends of Yunnie’s skirt and lifts it up. He glances up at Yunnie, takes in his wide eyes. With his expression Changmin asks for permission, and when Yunnie’s eyes close he feels he has it.

Changmin slides the material up milky-brown thighs till the skirt is hitched up to his hips, bunched in his fists. Yunnie is wearing white women’s cotton underwear, his half-hard cock encased neatly in the material. Changmin leans his face forward and touches his nose to the cotton-clad sex and breathes in.

He smells clean like the shower he’s just had, but – as Changmin pushes forward and burries his face – there’s that extra smell there, Yunnie’s scent, and Changmin moans in pleasure. He would have preferred to smell Yunnie all sweaty after the phys ed class, would have liked to smell his heat and taste his sweat; but regardless being here, between his legs, is heaven. He’s so hard in his own pants his cock is throbbing.

With one hand still fisted in the skirt he uses the other to finger Yunnie’s hip bone with a thumb, pressing in, before moving his hand up and hooking his fingers into the waist band of his knickers and pulling them down, inch by inch, slow-going with the use of only one hand. Yunnie’s own hands are by his side, spasmodically clenching and unclenching.

Changmin reveals Yunnie once again, and stares. His cock is almost completely hard and now Changmin _can_ smell it, that heady scent. He leans forward to kiss it –

“Have you ever done this before?” Yunnie croaks out, voice husky and quiet.

Changmin freezes. Swallows. “No. Have you?”

Yunnie shakes his head. “No.”

“But I can – “

“Yes,” he says.

Changmin does.

He kisses Yunnie’s cock first, eyes half-closed, then licks it, tastes it. Above him Yunnie’s breath hitches and Changmin takes that as encouragement and licks again, then gives it another kiss, and another, reverent. Another kiss and he’s giving it a little suck, like he wants to leave a hickey, like he wants to mark Yunnie in case after this Yunnie will run away, like he may not want to see Changmin ever again after this.

He forces that thought away and opens his mouth. He takes Yunnie’s cock in, the head catching on the inside of his upper lip, making Yunnie hiss – and then its sliding in over his tongue and to the back of his throat where it nudges and finds a place to settle. Changmin palms the back of one thigh affectionately, strokes up and down. He uses his tongue to caress Yunnie’s length. Yunnie is panting above him, high moans caught in the back of his throat and Changmin listens carefully, drinks them in as he eats his cock.

Changmin moves his mouth and tongue and bobs his head a little. Yunnie in full hardness is quite large, and Changmin’s lips stretch over his cock. He sucks gently, goes a little faster, tries to fuck his own face onto Yunnie’s glorious length. The spongy head hits the back of his throat several times, and he wonders at how to swallow it down without gagging.

He takes a shaky breath through his nose and then sinks down, allowing it to drag past his lips and tongue and the head to push further, past his convulsing throat muscles and beyond. His breathing is cut off, and there’s a sense of panic – but he squashes it down and takes Yunnie all the way till his quivering lips have settled at the base, nose buried in Yunnie’s pubic hair. He stays there for a few moments, working his throat, listens to each of Yunnie’s gentle moans getting cut off with hitches of breath, then slides the cock out just enough to allow himself to breathe. He keeps the cock in his mouth, though. Never wants it to leave.

Yunnie gently touches Changmin’s pate with his fingertips. Cock still in mouth, Changmin looks up, catching Yunnie’s gaze and holding it.

Then he moves.

He bobs his head, fast, suckling on his cock with vigour and enthusiasm. Changmin can taste Yunnie’s precum on his tongue, now, wants more. He pulls up, swirls his tongue over the head before taking his cock all in again, deep-throating. With the hand that is not bunched in the skirt he moves his fingers over his ball sack and behind to finger his perineum, lightly at first, and then pushes, hard.

Yunnie gasps out and Changmin moves his mouth, bobs his head faster, and then Yunnie makes a sound like a growl and his cock moves in Changmin’s mouth – and then cum shoots in, sticky, salty-bitter, to the back of his throat. He tries to take it, but after the second shot he moves his mouth away and Yunnie comes on his open mouth in long strings, covering his tongue and lips and chin and...

“Ow,” whispers Changmin, when Yunnie has finished.

Yunnie snaps out of his orgasmic daze and pulls his underwear up when Changmin lets go. “Are you alright?” he asks in trepidation.

Changmin sits back on his haunches and squints up at him with one eye. “I think some got in my – “ He gestures at his own eye, now almost glued shut with sticky cum.

Yunnie inhales sharply. “Jesus, you’re a mess.” He helps Changmin up off the floor and steers him to the nearest sink so Changmin can wash his face. Changmin does, and there’s a pause as he feels Yunnie hover behind him.

“Thank you,” he says, quietly.

Changmin snorts through the water he’s splashing on his face. “I feel so used.”

Yunnie makes an odd noise.

“That was a joke,” Changmin tells him hastily. “I um, I do that... sometimes.”

“Oh,” says Yunnie, “I didn’t know.” He clears his throat. Hovers. Then Changmin feels a hand creep around his hip to hesitantly palm his cock through his slacks.

Changmin freezes, then turns, slowly, to face him. Yunnie looks him in the eye, his expression now fearless, almost defiant – and then he’s palming Changmin’s cock then unbuttoning his slacks and pulling them down.

Changmin starts panting as Yunnie slides his hand into his underwear to fist his cock. Changmin lifts a hand to Yunnie’s blouse and unbuttons it slowly, from the neck down, revealing smooth, hairless skin and then a black padded push-up bra. Changmin groans. Yunnie blushes.

He reaches into his blouse, arms going around Yunnie to hug him. He burries his nose in his neck, kisses it, breathes in his scent. With his hands he fiddles with the bra strap at the back and unhooks it. Changmin catches the little hitches of breath in Yunnie’s throat against his lips. Yunnie pumps him faster now, and Changmin’s cock jerks in his hand as his own hands move, caressing, to Yunnie’s front to caress his pectorals.

They’re so soft.

They’re just as he had imagined: supple with hard nipples, small, but just the right size to fit into his palms. He gives a little squeeze, nose still buried in Yunnie’s neck, Yunnie’s hand still working – and he thinks about licking them, taking a nipple into his mouth and suckling, nibbling. Then he thinks about what it would be like to run his cock over them, have them glisten with trails of precum, to jerk himself over them and then cover them with his cum –

Changmin’s hips jerk and he comes, moaning into Yunnie’s neck.

*

Three days. Changmin does three things:

1\. He gets a haircut. Nothing too fancy or drastic, and his hair still sticks up at the back.  
2\. He allows Ryeowook to style him properly, and  
3\. He buys condoms and lubricant.

*

At the end of English class Yunnie does what Changmin hopes he’ll do: take extra slow putting his books back in his bag, make sweet excuses to his friends. Linger, with half-looks thrown over his shoulder at Changmin, eyes dark, lips glossy from the over-use of lip-gloss.

If there’s one thing Changmin has noticed about Yunnie these past few days is that his skirts are extra short, blouses are extra tight and his make-up extra thick. Changmin likes to think it’s for him. Hopes.

Their classmates file out, chatting, their teacher leaving with a glance at Changmin. Teacher trusts Changmin to lock up because Changmin is a good boy.

Yunnie comes to Changmin and Changmin comes to him, then passes him briefly to lock the door and it does with a high, metallic click. Yunnie hovers near Changmin’s shoulder, warmth radiating. And then Changmin turns and Yunnie leans up and kisses him softly, eyes slitted half-closed.

Changmin’s so relieved, so happy it _hurts_ in his chest and deeper, lower, and lower still. He leans into the kiss further, arm going around Yunnie’s waist and a hand coming up to cradle his small face, skin on his jaw smooth and soft. He angles his head and makes the kiss deeper, opens his mouth and coaxes Yunnie’s to do the same with a caress of lips and a teasing touch of his tongue. Yunnie complies; Changmin angles his face, slides his tongue in, feels Yunnie’s fringe brush his brow and cheek.

Their bodies press together. Yunnie grabs onto Changmin’s sweater vest and drags them both backwards without breaking contact. Changmin wants to keep hold. He wants to whisper: _I love you. I love you so fucking much. I’ve loved you since the moment I laid eyes on you. Can’t you see it, can’t you feel it?_

Instead he tries to convey it in his kiss, in the way his tongue slides against Yunnie’s, the caress of his lips, the brush of his thumb against the corner of Yunnie’s lips now wet with Changmin’s own saliva. The grip he has is so tight on the back of Yunnie’s cotton blouse. And they’re pulled back, and Yunnie has stopped, legs hitting the edge of one desk. He spreads his thighs a little, and Changmin takes it as encouragement to slide a hand over one glorious thigh, palming hotly over the knee and back, and up, and up under his skirt. He drags his fingers up, then catches the corner of Yunnie’s underwear with his thumbnail. Yunnie pants into his mouth. Changmin sucks on his bottom lip.

Then he pulls himself away, only slightly, hands flying to Yunnie’s hips. He uses his strength to hoist him up to sitting on the table and Yunnie spreads his thighs a little more, brackets Changmin’s hips. Changmin moves back into the cradle of Yunnie’s body, their arms sliding back around each other. They kiss again, frantic and fast this time. A battle of tongues turns into a dance. Slide of lips turns into hurried nuzzling.

Changmin reaches back around with one hand and finger’s the buttons on Yunnie’s blouse. Flicks the first one open, then the second. Yunnie exhales shakily through his nose, hot and sweet against Changmin’s cheek, and Changmin makes a small, encouraging moans. He undoes the rest of Yunnie’s shirt with slightly shaking but still deft fingers, then pushes the clothing over and away, revealing golden-brown shoulders and upper arms. They’re leaning into each other with an intimate push-pull, mouths connected, like two trees waving in the breeze side-by-side.

Shirt still caught on Yunnie’s forearms, Changmin goes for his bra, unhooks it from the back. Yunnie makes a small whimper into Changmin’s mouth and curls his body a little, as if he’s embarrassed or shy. It only makes Changmin want to keep going, and he does, sliding the now loose bra down, straps going over shoulders. Changmin wants to taste it, and he does, sliding his mouth away over Yunnie’s jaw, gives little kisses down his neck and over his sternum, before sliding his lips over one breast. Eyes closed he licks at the nipple he finds there; first with a long drag before flicking the nub with the end of his tongue. The skin is sweet, like diluted honeyed water, and he goes in again for another taste, suckling this time on the nub, licking at the areola.

Above him Yunnie makes small, hiccupping moans. His hand goes to Changmin’s hair, dragging his fingers through the curls. Changmin flicks his gaze up once, catches Yunnie’s eyes, then goes to the next breast, opens his mouth wide and suckles, tries to fit the whole thing in. Wants to make it wet.

He plays with one with his mouth and tongue and the other with one hand: pinching, squeezing, rolling. One hand on Yunnie’s waist moves down, fingers dragging on the cotton of his skirt, then going under to lightly caress his thigh – then up – to the hem of his knickers –

Yunnie grabs Changmin’s shoulder, sudden and urgent. “Wait.“

It’s the first time either of them have spoken to each other that day. Changmin reluctantly pulls his mouth away. He looks up. “Yeah?”

“I’ve never – “ Yunnie breathes, lips quivering.

Changmin catches his nervous anticipation and reflects it back. He swallows. “Me neither.”

They both laugh, breathily, nervous. But Changmin is determined now as he takes Yunnie’s underwear in both hands and pulls them down his thighs. His breath comes quick. Yunnie will give him permission.

But he’s not completely naked under his underwear: Yunnie has strapped himself with bandages to keep his dick and balls compacted against his body. Changmin tugs, impatient, and Yunnie gently nudges Changmin’s hands away to do it himself. They share a quick kiss - chaste and sweet and full of promises - and then Changmin is undoing the button and flies of his slacks, shoving them down, taking his dick in hand and stroking. He’s so hard, hot and heavy, his member in full hardness as he stokes it up and down.

Yunnie finishes and looks up at Changmin, waiting, and the sight is so beautiful: sitting back on the table, knee-high socks still on, skirt hitched up, blouse half-off – and naked between the legs and the folds of the blouse. From this angle Changmin can see his hard cock and balls and behind – the sweet rose of his arsehole peeking from between his cheeks.

Changmin doesn’t take his eyes away even and he fumbles in his pocket for a sachet of lube – and then he’s ripping it open with his teeth, squeezing it onto his own erect penis and getting some on his fingers on purpose, then chucking the empty sachet on the floor and diving back into the cradle of Yunnie’s legs.

He places a finger to Yunnie’s entrance, carefully though hastily, and keeps a close watch on Yunnie’s beautiful face. He wants to make sure he does have permission, and he wants to make sure Yunnie will enjoy himself. He wants Yunnie’s first time with him to be so memorable he’ll keep the memory for the rest of his life. He wants –

He wants. And then he’s got one finger all the way in to the final knuckle and Yunnie moans like he’s dragging it from the back of his throat, lips quivering and eyes fluttering shut. Changmin moves his finger in and out, and with the other hand he holds a thigh and caresses it, hand making slow circles. He slowly adds another finger and Yunnie’s hole accommodates, takes it in. Yunnie’s breath hitches, moans broken and getting louder, urgent. Changmin attempts to sneak a third finger in as he leans over and mouths Yunnie’s chin, searching for a kiss.

The words _it’s ok_ and _you can_ and _I love..._ are whispered back and forth and lingers between their lips. Words so sweet they’re from another place, world – from the deep recesses of time and the bottom of their hearts. A kiss, a word, a moan, a whimper – and Changmin is gently pulling his fingers out and replacing them with his sex, head nudging against a well-slicked entrance. He leans over Yunnie, takes him in his arms, wants to keep him there just as Yunnie wraps his legs around Changmin’s hips to pull him in – to – to –

And Changmin’s heart stutters as his cock is sucked in by Yunnie’s body. His entrance is so tight it brings Changmin to the verge of pleasure-pain and they groan loudly into each other’s mouths, their eyes shut tight as if they mean to shut out the world, the light; everything, so it’s just the two of them in each other’s embrace, Changmin’s cock buried inside Yunnie’s rose to the hilt and connected. Changmin doesn’t want to leave. Won’t leave. He feels Yunnie quiver in his arms, can feel his thighs shake against his sides.

Changmin opens his eyes.

Yunnie still has his shut tight, bow creased, red lips baring perfect teeth clenched tight. “Are you alright?” Changmin whispers and Yunnie says,

“Don’t move. Please, don’t move. Not yet.”

Changmin doesn’t; he feels like any movement would make him come. He didn’t think – he should have thought – to jack off before coming, to make their coupling longer – to give Yunnie a good, long time –

But as it is he can barely hold it. Closing his eyes alerts him to the pleasure and exacerbates it, pulling it down through his limbs and belly to his groin. Then opening his eyes has him focusing on Yunnie’s face crumpled in pleasure. A look down and he sees Yunnie’s breasts exposed from the open blouse and a new wave a pleasure overtakes him. He thinks about how he’d have liked his first time: roses on a bed in a hotel, romantic dinner beforehand. But it’s sex on a desk in a classroom, and he can’t fault it. It’s perfect, it’s -

He clenches his eyes closed again and burries his face in Yunnie’s neck. He suppresses a sob and hopes Yunnie thinks it’s a moan. Yunnies take one hand from Changmin’s shoulder and slowly brings it between them to stroke himself. Changmin feels the movement like a trigger and starts to move.

He slowly pulls out, Yunnie’s body immediate clenching around him as if to draw him back in - _don’t leave don’t leave_ \- Yunnie makes an indescribable noise deep in his throat and then Changmin is pushing slowly back in and then they’re both moaning, and kissing, and crying into each other’s mouths –

Changmin comes deep inside him, his orgasm violent and sudden and powerful. He feels Yunnie’s hot come splash between them, onto Changmin’s lower belly and Yunnie himself.

They come down.

Panting, lips quivering, brushing the other’s, eyes shut tight. Changmin dare not move. He dare not ever move.

*

Several weeks in and it’s a blur of activity both secret and public. It goes:

Changmin wants to take Yunnie on a date and Yunnie says no, so he takes him to the gym storeroom and says yes. Several times. There’s also the back seat of Changmin’s dad’s car: a make-out session before Changmin slips Yunnie’s underwear over his thighs. During the day Changmin walks down the school halls with confidence and Kyuhyun by his side and Yunnie’s now clean hanky in his pocket, where he puts his hand in and fingers it occasionally, the soft cotton warm between forefinger and thumb. He catches Yunnie’s eyes in the hall and they share a secret smile. Then after they share more secrets, whispered ones, physical ones. Changmin explores the corner of Yunnie’s mouth, his collar bones, the curve of a pectoral, the dip of his hip, the treasure between his legs. His mouth moves. His mouth is always moving when it comes to Yunnie, and yet he doesn’t say much. He likes the sound of Yunnie’s voice, the way it has so many layers to it: effeminate and masculine. He likes the content of his words: talk of his sister, the town he grew up in, how he wants to be a professional dancer. Changmin asks him out to dinner for the tenth time and Yunnie finally agrees. They go to the local sushi restaurant and Yunnie tells him his real name. His real name is Yunho. When they have sex again, history classroom, Changmin whispers it into his neck, loves the sound it makes raspy against Yunho’s hot skin. One day they do it in a janitor’s closet. Behind the stage curtains after the club have gone home. In the science lab on the second floor. In the far corner of the library under a desk. After school on Changmin’s bed. After school on Yunho’s bed though Jihye comes home and Yunho’s too afraid to continue. Still Jihye gives Changmin a surprised look then a knowing one as he leaves. It gives him confidence; he wants to meet Yunho’s parents one day. Wants to tell them, “I know about your daughter, and I love him.” They hold hands one day at school, then smile stupidly at each other. Girls titter and gossip.

“Why are they doing that?” Changmin asks Kyuhyun and Minho one day in the canteen. He looks over at the table of girls and as soon as he does they look away and start giggling even louder.

Kyuhyun snorts.

Minho waggles his eyebrows. “’Cause you know.” He draws the last word out long and smirks. “’Cause it’s you.”

Changmin doesn’t get it and he loathes it when he doesn’t get something, it shortens his patience. “Because it’s me? Why because it’s me?”

“’Cause you’re – you know – “ Minho gestures at him from head to toe.

“You’re hot,” Kyuhyun supplies as he nonchalantly picks at his rice with his chopsticks. “You weren’t hot before we became friends, so some of my hotness must have rubbed off on you.”

It’s Minho and Changmin’s turn to snort as they exchange glances. And perhaps Kyuhyun’s right, Changmin concedes, but it matters little. There’s no girl in this school who could catch his attention, especially now.

*

Yunho finds Changmin at his locker. He sweeps in from behind, leans up and kisses Changmin chaste on the lips. Changmin’s heart stutters at the simple act of public display. He looks over his shoulder at the girls a few metres away who are furtively watching him. If there’s any doubt of his romantic status in their minds it leaves now, flittering away like butterflies into the sun.

When he looks back and Yunho’s mouth is a little twisted with uncertainty. Changmin catches his eyes and Yunho lowers his own, then glances at him up through his lashes. He flicks his fringe out of his eyes, coy. “I have something to tell you,” he says, voice low. He grins suddenly, bright, and unable to contain his excitement he bounces on the balls of his feet before grabbing Changmin’s arm and dragging him away and down the corridor and into an empty classroom. The door is shut behind them.

Changmin half-sits on a desk and lounges casually, patient. Yunho licks his lips and comes over and pats Changmin’s thighs. “I have good news,” Yunho breathes. “I – “

Changmin leans over and catches Yunho’s mouth in a kiss. He brushes his fingertips against his jaw. “Missed you,” he murmurs.

Yunho laughs. “I saw you yesterday.”

“I know,” says Changmin, voice soft and deep. “A whole twelve hours is too long.” He moves away from Yunho’s mouth to mouth at his jaw then pepper little kisses along his cheekbone.

“Changmin,” Yunho half-commands, half-moans, “I have something serious I have to say.”

Changmin moves his face away, but not far. He holds Yunho’s hips and fingers the cotton of his skirt then widens his eyes to signify Yunho has his full attention. Yunho clears his throat and steps back from Changmin’s embrace.

He lifts his chin and stands straight before bursting out with barely constrained excitement. “I went to the doctor yesterday during lunch break,” he tells Changmin. “He gave me a referral letter to see a specialist next week.” Yunho takes a deep breath and Changmin holds his. “With any luck I’ll be starting hormone treatment soon, and I – I can start taking the steps towards my operation!”

Changmin gapes at him.

“I can’t get it until after I leave school,” Yunho continues. His smile fades as he catches Changmin’s expression. “And – and I have to attend a certain amount of psychiatric appointments – “

“Why are you – why?” Changmin whispers despairingly. “You want to become a girl? What for?”

Yunho scowls and his eyes go hard. “I’ve always wanted to be a girl.”

“But doesn’t – “ Changmin starts. His mind stutters through what he knows about sex changes. Not a lot, but what he does know is, “Doesn’t it get rid of some sensitivity down there?”

Yunho’s mouth hardens into a line. “No. Well, a bit maybe, but if it’s done well – “

“And don’t they, ugh – “ Changmin swallows “- cut it off?”

“No!” Yunho barks at him. “They sort of – invert it – there’s a few ways, actually...” He’s stuttering. “I’ve always – I want to do this – “

“But I don’t understand why you can’t stay the way you are,” Changmin argues. He’s pushed off the desk now so he’s no longer leaning on it. He takes a step forward and Yunho take one back. “You’re perfect the way you are.”

“Come off it, Changmin,” Yunho growls, voice dropped from its usually high tenor to a deep baritone. He’s breathing harshly. “Look at me.” He gestures at himself. “I mean, _really_ look. I’m not a boy. I’m definitely not a girl – “ His voice breaks. “I’m neither. I’m _nothing._ ”

“You’re both,” Changmin tells him softly, but with no less determination. He swallows the saliva gone thick in his mouth. “You’re everything.”

The sound Yunho makes as he hugs himself sounds half-sigh, half-sob. He says, so quietly Changmin barely hears him, “Who’s going to love me like this?”

It takes less than a second for Changmin to cross the space between them and put his arms around Yunho to hold him fierce and close, nose buried in Yunho’s hair. Yunho leans his forehead on Changmin’s shoulder. “ _I’m_ going to love you like this,” Changmin tells him with hard determination. “I love you like this.”

Yunho’s next exhale is a shudder wracking his body. He fists Changmin’s shirt. “This can’t be real,” Yunho whispers. “I’ve seen the way they look at you,” he adds, which makes Changmin frown in confusion. “You changed so much since I first met you; you gained so much confidence, got so good-looking overnight and so popular. I think one day you’re going to look in the mirror and then you’re going to look at me, and you’re going to realise you can do better.”

Changmin stares at the whiteboard over Yunho’s shoulder for a moment.

“Are you saying... Are you saying you only started to like me because I got a haircut?”

He can feel Yunho blinking against his shoulder.

“Because I haven’t actually changed, not really. My personality hasn’t changed, although – ok, fine – I have come out my shell recently, thanks to you and the Theatre Club. And – and so what if I got a haircut and stuff? And I’ve never cared about popularity or whatever.”

“I know,” Yunho mumbles, mouth hot against his shoulder even through his shirt. “I know, I’m just...”

“Just what?”

“Jealous,” he bursts out, before tightening his arms around Changmin.

“Okay,” says Changmin quietly as he smooths his hands down Yunho’s back. He smiles to himself secretly. “But didn’t I just tell you I love you?”

“Guys always say that to get into girls’ knickers.”

Changmin can’t help but laugh. “Yeah,” he says. “But I’ve already gotten into your knickers. Several times.” He scowls suddenly. “Which guys!”

Yunho giggles against his shoulder before pulling his face away. His eyes are a little red but there’s no sign of tears. He loops his arms around Changmin’s neck and smiles.

Then his expression turns serious. “I still may get the operation, Changmin.”

Changmin opens his mouth to protest –

“It’s my choice, not yours.”

Changmin closes his mouth and nods. “If that’s what you want, I’ll support you.”

“And I am a girl regardless of whether I get it or not.”

Changmin nods again. “Understood.”

Yunho smiles at him fondly and gives him a quick kiss. “And I love you too.”

End.


End file.
